When my husband decided to become a woman

Lisa loves Jan. But from January is Jana. Chronology of an unusual love


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Lisa: We got to know each 1995th I was 16, Jana, then in January, was 25. For me it was love at first sight. For Jana, it was more Last Chance Harvey. Two years later we got married. We have supported each other and allowed a lot of freedom and job conditions repeatedly performed a long-distance relationship. I was often jealous. Jealous because my husband nachschaute other women. Now I know why he did it.

Jana: I was interested always in fashion. Women's fashion. That's why I checked women. I have often thought, I would also like to run around. I have of course pushed away. I could not explain it to Lisa. I could myself not explain. I had only ever this diffuse Something feeling: Something must be with me. One of my earliest memories is that I've played with the clothes my big sister. But only if no one was home. That's when I realized that I was different from the other guys. I did me hard with them. In retrospect, I know: When I was five, six, seven years old, I felt that I am in the wrong body. But the thought I would never be able to think.

When I was five, six, seven years old, I felt that I am in the wrong body.

Lisa: January was tall, dark hair, muscular, very masculine, dynamic. Due to its inner and outer strength he has achieved a lot in life: Jan is senior executive at a software company. Sports, reading, movies and computer games are his favorite pastimes. I'm blonde, rather inconspicuous, small. I look and Review Case the world and people from a safe distance. I work as a social worker. Our relationship is based on mutual respect, tolerance, on letting the other their own space, but also as much as possible to experience together. We have learned a lot each from the other.

Jana: Our relationship is very intense. We talk about everything. The only thing I could not tell Lisa: I've never really felt comfortable having sex in the male role. I had no fantasies to have sex with a penis. Sometimes Lisa asked: "Am I not pretty?" It was not natural. We do not often slept together, but why put our love never questioned. That Lisa is now pregnant and there are twins, a boy and a girl, is a coincidence. Sometimes you just yet happiness.

Lisa: Approximately three years ago, there were moments when I thought something's wrong. Once the door was locked, although I heard that my husband was home. A few weeks later I came home, he said: "I have to talk to you." Panic. Was the marriage broken? Why I had not noticed anything? Had he met another woman? I sat down with him. He said that he likes women's clothing. That he feels comfortable in drag. That he was wearing women's clothes when he locked himself in. I was confused. He said he would tell me that because he has the feeling that it would be cheating to hide me. He felt guilty when he wore women's clothes, but he could not leave it. Then everything happened very quickly.

"I realized that I was a woman in a man's body. I knew I had no choice"

Jana: I went there every year worse. Depressions. I took pills, but found no reason for my condition. Then I came to a therapist, who knew his way around. She said that gender identity is deeply rooted in our brains, no matter what body we're stuck. I realized that you could have a female brain and can be located in the wrong body. I realized that I was a woman in a man's body. Always. That was incredible. From then on, I had no choice. I knew I had to go that route. but I also knew that I would have to inflict much suffering Lisa. My wife would lose her husband.

Lisa: In early 2012 said Jan, that he not only was a crossdresser, but possibly a transsexual. Good heavens, transsexual, what is it? Read. From my husband a woman should be. But I have married a man. Can not he stay crossdressers? So I'd already get along somehow. I turn away from Jan when Jana is from him. I will not let it go. Maybe I can stop him. I love him, I want no other, and a woman I do not want too. I'm not a lesbian. Sure, everyone should live the way he wants to live. Even in our relationship. But that so much of me would demand so I did not expect. When one's husband is a wife, you have to let go of some of that person. We find a compromise: I will not be near him when he handles makes herself as a woman.

In me is all struggles against this new person in my life.

Jana: I realize how bitter my decision for Lisa. But it is unalterable. It is now known that one is born with a gender identity that you can not change. I feel more and more clearly that I can no longer live as a man. Soon I'm going to work only as a man and pull me to immediately when I get home. From January is Jana, more and more. Lisa find it hard to face up to. She sticks her head in the sand. I take it not bad, I can imagine how painful it is for them to accept my change.

Lisa: In me is all struggles against this new person in my life. Jana now asks me to accompany her as a woman in public. I'm afraid of the reaction of the people. We learn a lot of resistance, scorn, discrimination, but also help. In the summer of 2013, we tell our parents that Jan Jana would like to be. I realize that this is all for Jana is also very hard. Then we find out that I'm pregnant. Twins. We wanted long children. But now what happens to Jana? Is perhaps again in January from her father? I see how they suffer when they have to go as a man to work. You can hardly, fight it wanting externally be a woman.

Jana: It is always stressful for me to be a man. I have it now in a hurry to stop, even though I could right now be a father. I will be a father. I find out. Earlier this year, I fly to a plastic surgeon abroad to have to make a change in my face. The male features are attenuated and applied feminine contours. I go to a speech therapist, so that my voice is female. I request a change of civil status, buy new clothes, it is expensive to assimilate his real sex. And expensive.

 But what about love? What about marriage?

Lisa: At the airport, I take leave of my husband forever.

Jana: After the surgery, it's much better. My aura is more positive. I am much happier. But I cry even faster. I'll just female. My face is not the prettiest, but I'm satisfied. All I want's to live quietly as a woman. Just as it suits to my heart. I do not know whether I desire men or women continues. But I know that the kind of love between Lisa and me change is. 

Lisa: I weep for my husband. January no longer exists. But I have to be strong for the kids, we get soon. For me. And for Jana. I try, as far as I am able to support them. to throw everything is not an option. But what about love? What about marriage? The marriage continues to exist. The love has changed, perhaps a kind of sibling love.

Jana: We are each other so deeply connected that we look forward together. Most relationships are over, when a man as his wife is. But we are parents, Mami Mami 1 and 2. And we love each other as before. There hang pictures of me as a man on the wall. The children should know who we are. And we ourselves do not want to miss our past as well.

Lisa: Even though I do not know how it goes with us - I hope we are accepted in this society, even though we are different. We will be some type of family, definitely. The last three years have been brutal for me. For both of us. Transsexuals experience much suffering that I have seen, although I have tormented myself with Janas decision. But I have great respect for her. 

The facts

Which does ______________ mean "transsexual"? Medical taken to mean a person who feels the opposite sex belonging and seeking changes in the body (hormonally or by other means) or has already completed.

What are crossdressers? People who prefer clothes of the opposite sex because of a fetishistic tendency.

And Conchita Wurst? A fictional character that has nothing to do with transsexualism. Behind this Thomas Neuwirth, who fights in this way for more tolerance towards homosexuals.

Expert advice: Stephanie A. Kruse, speech therapist and therapist skilled voice Transition (

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