“The Bachelor”: The next sex is always the hardest

It's done. In the finale of "The Bachelor" has selected the most boring of at least two equally boring ladies (Clea-Lacy and Erika) Rose bore Sebastian. But what Frauke Ludowig has to do with all this?



Please all rise times. Yes, yes, really now, get up. I do not sags again. Also you back there, with the glasses and blond hair! We start here until all are! See, do go. So, and now sing. Really. I start: "Everything has an end, only the sausage has two, yep, my dear, it's over!" And now in the choir. Well, that does not do well? I told you! We ended
eight weeks suffered. But now it's done. I won, my dear, it's over! "The Bachelor" 2017 is over. And what was that for a season! Exactly as dreary as ever. Who won? It does not matter, does it? The route is the goal. They want to know anyway, what happened? Even if nothing happened? Okay, here we go times.

You must forgive the then gegröhlten started. I have with me
decided the last episode spontaneously in every hysterical laughter
Erika's tilt on their own sets a Amarula. After 15 minutes I had so many lights that the brown slag up to the eyebrows stood by me, my countenance an exact copy of the orange skin tone by Donald Trump.

Father and son talk for the first time about women

has done better, of course not. In the last episode, the women meet traditionally the parents of the Bachelors. I will not tell too much when I say, if you just have to do important things that count, such as the own hair on the head or to think about what you want to eat on April 23, 2027 at noon, do it , Exciting it is not from here.

Papa Bachelor as judges every woman who is put before him with: "Ah, but that's pretty" and But who can blame the Father "This is already fit.". The fire of passion between
Clea-Lacy and Bachelor burns as hot as the Ice Bucket Challenge in the last episode. The two cruise through the Everglades, Basti puts his arm around her and makes the small shovel (hand to claw and scrape over the upper arm), Clea stiffly next to it, between them enough space to build the Berlin Wall again. The following shortly after adopting similar sexually charged. Make embracing hands behind her back, windscreen wiper. Must be love beautiful.

Y'know, kennste, haste

Even with Erika's Date with parents sentiment boils over. The blonde whose hair is the only addition to the Great Wall, which can be seen from space, giggling over each of their sets, as they have Mario Barth crushed with her skin-tight jeans. As the mood at the boiling point is, she asks the Bachelor what turns all men into mindless slaves love: "How do you feel (before the final)?"

For the bachelor finally got the opportunity to show that he is a man among males! An alpha softie! He replies: "I definitely respect in front of the final." Badabumm! This must only times topped one! Soooo romantic! For know: If nothing works, is still a football wisdom. I wait for the use of: "The chest is round." "A number is three minutes." "The next sex is always the hardest."

And as the finale to just muddle along, it's really there at once. After just half an hour of Basti is in front with his rose, ready to plunge into a self-imposed bogus marriage to honeymoon in the village Dissen of the Republic. Erika scampers forward. It looks as it would clear just in that moment that she could spend with this guy the rest of their TV life. The babbling used as eloquently: "to feel your presence was very good. I hope that was also very good for you." She nods. And then it's over. Our Basti she served from. A dramatic escape follows the red carpet down, with castle in the background. Basti afterwards, they: "Let me!" And she rushes it in the limo. In her dress that looks like a call girl that his credit card was lost. As a viewer, you are left confused. Since not one is but now at the end trying to "GZSZ"Level to act? I call for not one, not two, but three Bambis now!

All (former) candidates at a glance

The undergraduate applicants

Since a very cold-hearted

Anyway, back to the theater of war. Clea-Lacy is now here and says: "I did my best." Another football wisdom. Since the right have definitely found. I imagine just prior to the first night of the two. In negligee, he, wearing only his nonexistent shoulders as they both say at the same time: ". Well, now, the round must be into the square" Hach, since a very cold-hearted.

Suddenly Basti says the standard set for each series: "Spaces (put the name of your choice), I'm in love with you." Where did that came forth now so suddenly? The Incarnate spaces, called Clea-Lacy, holding hands in horror his face and calls again and again: "Oh God, oh God!" But can not help her now. Against RTL and the powerless.

And as I'm on my couch, the Amarula bottle over the head in circles, celebrating the song from the sausage anstimmend and that it's finally over, is there at once Frauke Ludowig and says: ". Pfuuuu" Yes, exactly: "Pfuuu." I rub my eyes in disbelief. Is this really such a Amarula devil? I slept a week and that's the big reunion, where all ankeifen, as they would take this mission seriously? Or if my RTL actually quite romantic applauded the Nachtretausgabe directly to the final? It has.

One could almost get the impression that something had happened at Bachelor

The next hour running past me in fast motion. Viola still looks as cutting our Basti not only the sausage with a knife, but as if she had just found out that they did not make the beer mugs at Oktoberfest really crowded. In the flashbacks to the season they play Tagesschau for the Deaf. In the big picture is blasphemed, in the small down the victim pulls faces. One could almost get the impression that this season is really something happens. But we know better.

Then Erika comes in. Basti nods to her, in a mixture of fear and panic. This should now probably be the big confrontation. Actually Erika revealed after eight episodes just that they did not understand the basic principles of the show. "Why I came to the final?" She asks. Well, because as a final with only two participants is just quite predictable. "Why verplemperst time with women who want to meet unspecified?" Because the program would then be for THREE MINUTES to an end! Damn it!

Now comes even Clea-Lacy reingeschlurft and babbles something that "is a very strong bond the bond that is created between us." That's enough real time! If I hear such Fubbes saying, I forget myself! Band band band, what kind of a fucking band? A dog collar? A knitting? So I feel I am at least straight.

She mumbles that she had never loved so much a person as the Basti. Oh, but now listen to me girl! it has already canceled the job. So, yet has a Bang! To Cologne she moved. When the now says a sound, but really only one sound, then, then ... children can imagine. Okay, that's enough. I refuse to even write a sentence. I'm out. Worse than that, the "Bachelorette" can not be in the summer.
Here, potential candidates can apply by the way!

PS: Did you see it? Shortly after Frauke? There it was again, the Amarula. For a commercial in the finals it was enough. At the end of the note: "Drink responsibly". This is probably eight episodes too late.

PPS: So, Tschau Kakau, Tschüssli cereal, that's it for this year. Well, at least until the "Bachelorette". Next week read from this point again my normal column. The colleagues have said, "You're a great guy, iss times Superfood. And write what about it. "You know when women will say" great guy ", since anything good come out with.

March 23, 2017, 6:50

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