How Much Should A 5 11 Male Weight In Stone Is It Time to Take Your Crush Off of the Pedestal?

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Is It Time to Take Your Crush Off of the Pedestal?

Crush

They are exciting. Full of potential. The height of your attraction to someone. Ordinary things are magnified: I mean, look at the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs; his hands have such strength in them. It’s a never-ending game called idolization. To prove my point, how come all the things we usually notice about people we’re in love with are positive?: “Welcome to my pedestal, would you like a lift?”

But the reality is that there is no reality inside the crush. It is the space between what I want and who I think the other is; if I approach someone from a place where I’m “crazy” for them, I’m giving up my ability to really get to know who that person is and basically rolling the dice on whether they’ll live up to my expectations. Some people are so lucky, but I guess the odds are not in their favor. Most of us don’t meet someone significant by acting on our whims.

Let’s do a lesson in deconstruction. As a verb to crush, it has various meanings: 1. to press, crush, or compress so as to injure, break, crumple, etc.; 2. to break or crush (stone, ore, etc.) into small particles; 3. to put down or subdue, especially by force; 4. to extract (juice, water, etc.) by pressing; 5. to oppress hard; 6. to embrace or clasp tightly; 7. to defeat or humiliate completely, as in an argument or by a cruel remark; 8. to stuff oneself; crowd 9. become injured, broken, or deformed by pressure. Crush as a noun means: 10. a dense crowd, especially at a social occasion; 11. the act of crushing; pressure; 12. drink or pulp prepared or as if by crushing fruit: orange pulp; 13. a) infatuation: she was in love with him; b) a person with whom one is in love. All of these definitions tend to leave a relatively bleak outlook. This wording suggests, or rather blatantly communicates, that “crushing” is daunting.

Why the negative symbolism to describe something that begins so pleasantly? One interpretation may be that it demonstrates the unequal weighting of one power over another; your expectations on another. Falling in love works this way. It is understood as one-sided and rooted in fantasy. Anyone who’s watched “Fatal Attraction,” the movie that society and Hollywood tend to dredge up in any questionable female love interest, or “Law & Order,” “CSI,” or variations of that where (generally) male stalkers and such are put off by a one-way obsession, he understands the consequence when the “crushed” turns an ugly corner. The message is clear: if you’re left unattended for too long (or worse, if the crush takes over), you’re out. A seemingly selfless act – shining a light on someone else’s positive qualities – is quickly revealed as narcissism.

However, not everything has to be negative. What I learned from the crush phase(s) is that it’s important to remind myself of what my gut is craving. Sometimes I think I get lost in logic during the “listing” stage (making a list of ideal qualities in a relationship) and focus too much on ordering off the menu instead of digging my way through. There is a memory of stimuli for particular senses that gets locked away when we are hurt or disappointed, or just long enough to forget they are there. Inside this memory bank are smells, tastes, sounds, reactions…that are familiar and therefore worthy of my attention. Since many social sciences insist that attraction is based on two constants: closeness and similarity, these unconscious traits are what my yin looks for in their yang. Or is it the other way around?

Either way, the point is to immerse yourself in the potential when you feel in love—not who the other person might be, but who you are. This is where I think so many people get confused (myself included, of course): they think that falling in love has to do with the other person. And in a way, yes, but only in the sense that they showed up to remind me of what I long for, what I long for, what I instinctively respond to, despite all logical protestations. This is so important, given that we live in a society where we are told every day what we want, how we want it, and when to want it. Rather than realizing that desire is internal and self-sustaining, we believe (and have been taught) that it exists outside of us. Thus, through some serious training and practice, the object of my desire becomes the source of my desire. In other words, as one of my former mentors once said, “the coasters make the fall back to reality even harder.”

One of my favorite lines in a movie is in “The Family Stone” where Luke Wilson’s character gives Sarah Jessica Parker’s character a social lesson in a bar booth: “you got a crazy flag. ” What are you crazy about? This is really where falling in love gets exciting. Why else would you be able to have multiple crushes at once? Because if attraction were based on reality, you’d have to take responsibility for all those feelings. That’s a lot of work for one alone, let alone for several. Perhaps those versed in polyamory could write more about this, but for now let’s assume that most of us are monogamous in relationships. Crumbs are like breadcrumbs: clues that lead you back to your own “freak flag” and remind you of what you find attractive. It’s all fun and games at this stage, but nothing should be taken too seriously. If you find that you make more sense out of being in love (like believing that to you must feel the same), it’s time to move on or switch.

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