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Six Reasons Guys Stay With The Wrong Woman Instead Of Breaking Up

By now you know we talk a lot around here about deserving what we want. By definition, it means becoming a kind person who can attract the MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) that we dream about. But importantly, it ALSO means we need to know how to RECOGNIZE the great ones and REMOVE the bad ones from our lives. Then, and ONLY then, do we have a clear chance of entering that magical realm affectionately known as “full control over our dating life.”

Once we’ve overcome personal self-esteem issues (eg, “Cool women? That’s for other guys…they’ll never want ME.”) and/or just plain laziness, it’s time to take stock of what kind of women we guys have invited into our lives . As you’ve heard me say before, far too many guys wake up one day to find they married a woman they didn’t even choose.

How on earth does that happen? Well, it all starts when, out of sheer convenience or even coincidence, they hook up with someone who happened to have a crush on them. But what keeps it going is the simple truth that even when a guy finds himself in such a mediocre situation, things STILL don’t end…at least not soon enough.

Below are six lame-o (but unfortunately very common) excuses we guys use to stay in relationships that are far from fulfilling. And really everything we’re talking about today is equal opportunity, so all you ladies out there listen up. By the way – FAIR WARNING – I’m about to lay this on the line in a completely straightforward way, so brace yourself.

1) “But the sex is pretty good”

Man, if this isn’t the battle cry of the sexually driven but desperate man. The insidious idea is that if there is a breakup, there won’t be “none”…perhaps for a LONG time.

That’s not just short-sighted, that’s completely lacking in vision. Often the same men who find “sexual diversity” an exciting idea are the very ones who stay with the same woman only because their sex lives may suffer if they don’t. Not sure if that’s “oxymoric” or just “moric”. But such are the tricks a guy’s mind can play on him when the focus is on sex itself.

I don’t care who the woman is, after you’ve had sex with her a few times, you’ll get the hang of it and you need something MUCH deeper to sustain a relationship. Need proof? Ok, for all you “one handed web surfers out there” find the smokiest web cat you can find. Get all the video clips and pictures you can handle. How long will it be before you get bored and look for more? I give you fifteen minutes…that’s it. Real life is no different. If it’s all about sex, your priorities are messed up.

By the way, there is another point of view. If you live with a woman because the sex is especially good, I have news for you. Women tend to respond to male leadership in the bedroom. Great sex starts with YOU. Once you can ignite a woman’s passion, you will find that women respond. Then again, if you’re a “sex-focused but desperate man” as mentioned, you have very real reason to believe you’ve “lucked out” if the woman you’re with is sexually exciting.

2) “But she’s the hottest I’ve ever been with”

This concept is very closely related to the above. When a guy who’s used to dating average women finds himself with one particularly hot one, it’s disarmingly easy to fall into the trap of believing that he’ll never in a million years be that lucky again.

Once a woman realizes this, one of three things can happen. First, his insecurities make him realize she’s out of his league and the breakup will take care of itself…with her kindness. Second, she can be an exceptional woman of all-round character that matches her outward beauty and everyone is happy—and rightly so. BUT…she can also be opportunistic to take full advantage of the situation and blast this guy into oblivion. This third situation is the one that interests me the most at the moment.

What’s the cure for letting go of the hottest woman you’ve ever been with when you know she’s toxic? Easy. If you can do it once, you can do it again. How’s that for a straightforward answer? It’s all a matter of personal confidence. It was no accident that she was attracted to you enough to be with you. Other women will feel the same way…and if you continue to build your masculinity and confidence, you’ll find that you can even RAISE THE BAR. I’ve lost count of the number of guys I know who have finally kicked the wrong (but hot) woman out of their lives, only to sooner rather than later slap themselves over the head for not doing it months (or even years) sooner.

3) “I don’t want to make her cry… I’d feel like a villain”

It’s true that most guys don’t like to make women cry. And it’s not even about women being “emotional manipulators” most of the time. We as men do this to ourselves, simply because we want to avoid something that is unpleasant and possibly guilt-inducing. The truth is, if a breakup has to happen, putting off the unsettling moment will only increase the potential agony later. Imagine the tears if you’re headed to divorce court in a few years… with young children on the line.

4) “Oh man… I’d have to start all over again”

Okay, there may indeed be some uncertainty here. But really, it’s usually all about sheer laziness. Even if the relationship falls short of expectations, it’s often just a way to stay COMFORTABLE. Otherwise, a guy has to go out and meet some other woman, go through the whole “getting to know” process, meet his parents again, build another whole history, etc.

And why would it all sound like drudgery and not something that’s actually exciting? In truth, staying in stale relationships in these cases can literally be a matter of continuing to wake up doing exactly what happened yesterday, rather than ACTION. That’s right…pure PROCRASTINATION.

It’s no wonder that many guys report feeling like a “weight has been lifted off their shoulders” when they finally make the right call in these situations and break things off. Go find out.

By the way, for most people who deserve what they want, it takes a lot less time to make a real, valid connection with someone new than they think. In person, I met someone online in the morning, went for coffee in the afternoon, and soon shared a mutual “we’ve known each other for ten years” feeling. Knowing that this is a fully replicable scenario might reduce the need to “start over”, eh?

5) “It’s just a phase…we’ll figure it out and get through it”

Also known as “denial”. So you think that not being able to get along, be sexually compatible, and/or share a common core belief system will “change over time”? You are delusional. And you’re in especially deep yogurt if he tells you that “having a baby” will bring you “closer.”

Don’t yell at me for telling the truth. It never ceases to amaze me how I can repeatedly meet couples in public who can’t stand each other…and aren’t even married.

6) “He just has a way of talking me out of it”

Let me tell you, some women are world class experts. Their determination is sometimes impressive. Impressive enough to keep her around, maybe even after you’ve openly expressed your desire to move on. This can present itself through such classic statements as “I just haven’t been myself lately…give me a chance”, “How can you throw away something so GOOD?” and “You just don’t know what else to want – you’ll wake up and see how I’m great for you.”

Of course, there’s my personal least favorite, the infamous “What? You think you’ll EVER find someone as good as me?”. Yes Yes. See #2 above. This is the worst kind of manipulation.

A different sentiment usually applies to all six examples above and is common to all of them. That’s the whole idea of, “Hey, there’s always someone worse off than me, right?” This is not the mindset of someone who thinks they deserve what they want, is it?

Bottom line: He (or she) who stays with someone long after a breakup probably should have SETTLED.

And “settling” always leads to bitterness. The one who feels they could have “done it better” has their nose pressed to the glass and looks to the “greener grass” elsewhere…probably feeling nauseous the entire time. But what about the one who was “dealt with”? Is he overthinking his luck? Not in your life…feeling your “significant other” doesn’t want you is one of the most empty, humiliating, humiliating feelings imaginable.

The truth is, EVERYONE SUFFERES when people DIE.

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