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Balancing Your Work, Family and Social Life
Balance your work, family and social life
Dr. Gene Griessman
Many of us imagine personal balance as a set of scales that are in perfect balance every day. But this is an unrealistic goal. If you try to allocate predetermined time each day for work, family, and social life, you will encounter a lot of frustration. An illness can throw off all your plans. A commercial project may require peak periods of intense work followed by slow troughs.
Balance needs to be constantly adjusted, like a tightrope walker constantly shifting his center of gravity from side to side. By focusing on four major areas of your life—emotional/spiritual needs, relationships, intellectual needs, and physical needs—you can begin to safely walk a tightrope both on and off work.
Here, based on my conversations with many highly successful Americans, I have summarized ten ideas for balancing all aspects of life:
1. Make an appointment with yourself. Eliminate from your mind the idea that everyone has priority over you. Don’t use your organizer or calendar just for appointments with other people. Give yourself some golden time. Do something you enjoy often. It will recharge your battery. Once you put yourself on your calendar, secure those appointments. Kay Koplovitz is the founder of the American cable television network, which airs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. Koplovitz was responsible for the day-to-day operations of the network for 21 years. For more than two decades, there have always been some underlying demands on her time. So she guards scheduled tennis matches as vigilantly as she would a business appointment.
2. Take good care of your body. Having a high energy level is a trait that many very successful people possess. No matter what your current energy level is, here are steps you can take to increase it:
eat. Don’t skip meals. Your physical and mental energy depends on nutrition. Irregular eating habits can lead to grumpiness, depression, lack of creativity and stomach tension.
exercise. Time and time again, highly successful people mention the benefits of daily exercise. Johannetta Kerr, president of Bennett College for Women and former head of Spelman College, walks four miles every morning. She calls it her moving meditation. The benefits of exercise are mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. If you are healthier and have more stamina, you can work better and longer.
rest. A psychologist studying creative people reported that they rested frequently and slept a lot.
3. Relax. You don’t have to do everything. Just the right thing to do. Publisher Steve Forbes taught me a lesson: “Don’t be a slave to your inbox. Just because something’s in there doesn’t mean you have to do it.” As a result, every night, I’m starting from my long to-do list. Pull out some “must” items for the next day from your to-do list. If, but by three o’clock the next day, I’ve crossed off all the “musts,” I know that everything else I do that day will be icing on the cake. This is a great psychological advantage for me.
Push yourself hard, train yourself, there’s nothing wrong with that
When you hold yourself to the highest standard, do what needs to be done. This builds stamina and turns you into a pro. However, sometimes you have to forgive yourself. You’ll never be 100% efficient, nor should you expect to be. After something doesn’t work, ask yourself, “Did I do the best I could?” If you did, accept the results. All you can do is all you can do.
4. Blur the lines. Some very successful people achieve balance by setting aside time or days for family, entertainment, hobbies, etc. They set boundaries around certain activities and protect them. Other equally successful people do the exact opposite. They blur the lines. Consultant Alan Weiss says, “I work out of the home. In the afternoon, I might watch my kids play in the pool, or hang out with my wife. On a Saturday, or at ten o’clock in the evening on a weekday, I might work. When I do things when the spirit moves me.”
Some jobs don’t lend themselves to this strategy. But the potential for blurring lines is more frequent than you might think. One way is to involve people you care about in your work. For example, many companies encourage employees to bring their spouses to meetings and annual meetings. this is a good idea. If the people important to you understand what you do, they can more fully share in your successes and failures. They’re also more likely to be a good sounding board for your ideas.
5. Take a break. Many therapists believe that taking a break from your daily routine has great benefits for your physical and mental health. Professional speaker and executive coach Barbara Pagano takes a fast-charging approach, scheduling a day every few months with no schedule. For her, that meant staying in her pajamas, unplugging the phone, and watching old movies or reading novels in bed. Nothing happened that day except the moment-to-moment decisions she made. Singer-songwriter Billy Joel added, “Sometimes you need to let a field fallow.” Joel was describing what farmers often do: letting a field rest so the soil can replenish itself.
6. Take the road less traveled. Occasionally get off the highway and take a small road, literally and figuratively. This road might take you to a library or a golf course. Do something out of the ordinary to avoid well-worn grooves in your life. Try a new route to work, a different radio station, or a different cereal. Break out of your old patterns once in a while for a new way of dressing or a different hobby. The road less traveled can be a reward after a tough event, a carrot to reward yourself, or a great way to unwind before a big event. Bobby Dodd, the legendary Georgia Tech football coach, knows the power of this philosophy. While other coaches put their teams through brutal drills twice a day, Dowd’s team practiced and practiced but then took time to relax, play touch football and enjoy a game of bowling. Did the idea work? In six consecutive championship games!
7. Stay still. Essence’s editorial director, Susan Taylor, makes sure she has some quiet time each morning. She thinks it’s a time to pay attention—to be quiet and listen. She keeps a pen and paper with her and jots down the thoughts that come to her. The way you use your alone time should be in line with your values, beliefs and temperament. Some people spend a set amount of time each day imagining themselves achieving their goals and dreams. Others read, pray, meditate, do yoga or just gaze at the sunrise or sunset. No matter what form it takes, alone time can be hugely rewarding. Achievers talk about the inner strength they discovered and how it helped them put their competing needs in perspective. They are more confident in their choices and more self-reliant. They found a sense of balance, a sense of center.
8. Be a patriot in peacetime. Joe Posner made his fortune and fame selling life insurance. A few years ago, Posner helped start an organization in his hometown of Rochester, N.Y., to prepare underprivileged children for school and life, and he hopes to break the cycle of poverty. You may find some equally worthwhile ways to give something back through your church, hospital, civic club, alumni association, or doing pro bono work. Or you can help individuals privately, even anonymously. The need to balance personal interests with the public good can bring great rewards. One of the most wonderful things is the pure joy that comes from giving. Another reward is a better world you help create.
9. Do what you love. As a child, Aaron Copeland loved music, so he would spend hours listening to his sister play the piano. By following that love, he became America’s most famous composer of classical music. Years later, when I asked him if he was disappointed with that choice, Copeland replied, “My life has been fascinating.” One sentence sums up life. On its own, loving what you do doesn’t ensure success. You need to be good at what you love. But if you love what you do, the time you spend becoming competent is less likely to be drudgery.
10. Be strategic. As important as this is, how to save time to balance your life is not the ultimate question. The question is, “Why should I save time?” Strategy is about success—but success at what? If other people are paying your salary, being strategic often means convincing them that you are spending your time in a way that benefits them. If there is a dispute about how you should spend your time, either convince someone who can reward or punish you that your ideas about using your time are appropriate, or find another job. “Why?” should also be asking questions about your life. This is indeed a comprehensive issue, involving holistic issues.
So, what makes for a successful balanced life? I can’t think of a better definition than the one given by Ralph Waldo Emerson:
Laugh a lot; earn the respect of smart people and the affection of children; win the admiration of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; appreciate beauty and discover the best in others; make the world a little better, whether through a healthy children, a garden, or social improvement; knowing that even one’s life breathes easier because of mine. It was a success.
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