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ADD – How to Cope

Coping with ADD is an ongoing challenge for parents. We will not “cure” ADD. We absolutely have to live with it. “How to deal with it?” That’s a good way to say it. I’m going to give you some specific tools that you can start using right away and achieve dramatic results.

Remember, ADD is Attention Deficit Disorder, where the main problem is concentration. We distinguish ADD from ADHD because ADHD has both attention problems and ADHD problems. I started treating this (these) disorders in 1985, before we differentiated between the two. I still prefer to think of them both as “additions”.

Children with ADD are easily distracted. They’re drawn to the “next shiny object.” On their way to a shiny object, another object caught their attention, and they moved away. It sounds fun, but it can be frustrating for parents or teachers trying to deal with these kids. In fact, put some of them in one place and have a look. Children with ADD are more likely to work one-on-one than in a small group.

In fact, attention deficit disorder has a terrible name. It’s not really an attention “deficit”. In fact, there are too many things that the child notices or pays attention to. They pay attention to everything. It’s really not a loss.

Here are some great tips to help you cope effectively with most kids with ADD.

1. educate yourself. ADD is developmental delay. A child cannot do what he cannot yet do. We measured this developmental delay to be approximately 30% later than “normal” development. So a chronological 13-year-old might look more like a 9-year-old. He may look like a 13 year old, but his abilities have only developed to the level of a 9 year old. The last two abilities that the human brain develops are: 1) Intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation; 2) Delayed gratification. Doesn’t every kid struggle with these things? Think of the ADD kid’s brain as a perfectly fine computer, but with 30 percent of the software still not installed. This is easily explained using a computer analogy. It’s as if you keep hitting the correct keys on the keyboard, but the computer just doesn’t respond. You’re frustrated and wondering what’s wrong with your computer. Then, you wonder why you are so incompetent with this computer. Actually, there is nothing wrong with you or the computer. If the software is not installed, it cannot yet respond to your commands. It’s like your child is unable to respond or execute your expectations because the brain has not yet developed this ability.
2. Change your expectations. Now that you know your child has ADD, you need to adjust your expectations of his ability to perform. That doesn’t mean he isn’t smart, or can’t do many things. He may need to be informed, reminded, prompted and supervised. The first thing that needs to change is your understanding and expectations.
3. Give commands one at a time.Have you ever given a child with ADD a series of tasks like, “Go upstairs and make the bed, take the basket to the laundry room, and take out the recycling?” I bet you did. You know what to expect. 10 minutes later, you find him playing with the cat in the hallway outside his room. He doesn’t know why you’re upset or what you tell him to do. If he’s lucky, he’ll make his bed and play with his toys on the bedroom floor. At least he got the first assignment. Children with ADD simply cannot handle multiple sequential tasks. Stop frustrating yourself and him and just assign one task at a time. It won’t happen yet that he processes and remembers a large number of sequential requests. Stop your own frustrations. It hasn’t changed. You need to change the way you assign tasks.
4. When you assign a task, have him repeat it to you so you know he’s done.This is huge. It sounds simple, and it is. But it’s also very powerful. Learning and memory are dramatically enhanced through repetition. Also, the more sensory modalities you use when giving commands, the better. By means I mean visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Looking at you or seeing tasks is visual. Hear you say it’s auditory. Kinaesthesia can be touch or sensation (or both). So, if you touch him, smile or create a good feeling and attitude while talking, you will be operating in all three modes. Your child remembers more and is therefore more likely to complete tasks.
5. If not at home, give directions or commands while performing.We cannot expect children with ADD to remember behavior or performance expectations we may have. In particular, we cannot expect him to remember situation-specific expectations. Let’s take the mall as an example. At the door of the mall, tell your child what is expected of you. Have him repeat it to you. The incidence of positive manifestations will increase dramatically. At home, he may be at home after school to re-read the instructions you gave before school. Or, you can call him off work and have him in the room where you assigned the task and you’ve created a performance point situation.
6. Most importantly, as a parent, you have to relax and be as factual as possible.Children with ADD are especially sensitive to positive or negative energies around them. They are extra sensitive. If you are negative, angry, hostile or sarcastic, they will pick it up and be affected by it. Be optimistic. clear. Be firm. Be loving. Be as factual as possible. This is always the case whether our children have ADD or not. In my practice, I’ve seen sad situations where parents are so frustrated and angry with their child that they don’t realize how they’re talking to and talking about him. They sounded like they couldn’t stand the kid. It sounds hurtful. Imagine the heartbreak that kid felt when his parents sounded like they disliked him so much. This can cut to the core and seriously injure a child. A child has not yet developed enough armor to take that much damage. It can cause long-term damage. So be as loving, positive, and down-to-earth as you can be.

These are just some of the things I know will help. Using a child’s name can bring back attention. Touching your shoulders can help you focus. A parent’s attitude changes the world.

Dealing with ADD is not easy for anyone. But you can handle it easily. Many successful, energetic, and happy adults have ADHD as children and adults. These kids are usually bright and fun. Sure, they can be annoying at times. But can’t we all be like this?

© 2010 John B Hudome, all rights reserved.

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