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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong

Are things not going as well as you’d like in your life or at home? This is a common question, but where is the answer on how to fix it? Almost all of our problems start in our own heads. Over the years, I have found my way to the heart of the problem and found a way to solve it. It all starts with you and your ideas. Follow the 6 steps discussed here to start making important changes in your life and family.

1. This is the hardest. Don’t believe everything you think right now because you can change your mind. This is really what sets us apart from animals – the ability to think what we think.

Just because you think something is that way, doesn’t mean it’s true. If you think the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it is round. If I think someone is mad at me, that’s just a reflection of what I think and has absolutely nothing to do with what other people actually think. It reminds me of a group of teenagers struggling with who is thinking what and who said what to whom. “Sally thinks Jack told Ben that he likes you.” All of these speculations in no way reflect Jack’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s thoughts), but only those of the speaker. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful not to believe everything you think!

2. Ask yourself this question: “What is my struggle?” Try to put on paper what is bothering you. Write it down in an objective, concrete way. “Something’s not right in the house” may be an intuition, but it doesn’t really define anything and confuses you. Make it specific to you—”I’m bored.” “I have no money.” “I’m tired of being sick and tired.”

3. Now, ask yourself, “What brought me here?” Write down everything you can think of that got you here. This is not a blame meeting, it is an open, honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Other questions to ask yourself during this part of the process are – “What did I hear?” “What did I see?” Most importantly, “What did I tell myself?”

Pay special attention to the last question and take the time to complete this step honestly and objectively.

4. The next section asks you to look for evidence or fruits of your idea. The question here is – “What physical, tangible results or evidence do I have for my thinking?” How do you see your way of thinking manifested in the real world? Please be specific.

5. Now is the time to start finding the things you want to happen in your world. Be sure to write down the answer to this question. “What do I want to be?” or “What would I want differently?” In this step, describe what you want in the most vivid detail. Use all your senses to describe your desire. It is very important to see this clearly.

If you take that step, and something in your head says, “That’s never going to be.” “Stop dreaming.” “This won’t work.” Go back to step one. Your life can absolutely change, it starts with your thoughts. Countless people have proven this over thousands of years, just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t make it true! continue! Fight the mind and start changing everything!

6. After doing all the work from steps 1-5, it’s time to look for changes. This is the next big question you have to ask yourself and write down the answer – “What thoughts and actions fit into my new vision?” What are you willing to do to bring about change for yourself? These answers may take time and forethought, but are worth the effort.

Decide on 3 to 5 things that you have written down that you can start working on right away. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, and that’s okay, real change can take a long time to bear fruit, but if you persevere, change will come.

I want to tell you about my own experience with these steps and some of the life changes that have occurred because I did what I told you.

Three and a half years ago I suffered a back injury from being overweight, overworked and stressed, with a flat back. My husband and three kids made me a bed in the living room so I could be in the middle of things (and because my back was too sore to take the stairs). I can barely walk. I neglected my health to the point that I was a 5’3″ 178lb weakling. I was not used to sitting and the fact that I had to lie in bed was driving me crazy. My dear four year old daughter because of my Unable to take care of her, I had to go to daycare at a friend’s house for a week. After four days of suffering, lying there, in pain, feeling alone for my baby, and frustrated with all the things that didn’t get done, I Started looking at myself. I haven’t defined all of these steps yet, but when I look back, I see that I did exactly what I told you.

1. Don’t believe everything you think – I have to take care of everyone, I don’t have time for myself. Others should be taken care of, not me. I don’t need any help.

2. What is my struggle? I’m hurt, I’m fat, I’m unhealthy, I can’t take care of my family.

3. How did I get here? I always spend time caring about other people but never about myself. I don’t think I have time to take care of me, I could go on like this forever. I eat junk food. I don’t exercise. I go to bed late and then sleep badly.

4. What are tangible/tangible results? I’m here and there’s nothing I can do. I couldn’t even take care of myself, let alone someone else.

Seeing myself in this situation made me sick inside. Something changed inside of me, and I said out loud, “I don’t live like this anymore!” I think I was a little shocked when I heard it out loud. I said it again, louder.

5. What kind of person do I want to be? I close my eyes and start imagining running in the yard and playing with my kids without pain. I imagine myself, slim, fit, running. I see hiking, swimming – active. The more I think about it, the more I want it. I began to feel hopeful again. I focus on the sight I want—the smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sun, the fresh air.

6. What thoughts and actions align with my new vision? I’m new and I need physical therapy. I had to eat healthy and small amounts. Once I can, I have to work out. I had to find a way to gain willpower. I need more rest. I need to ask for help more often. I have to set aside specific times to take care of myself.

I wrote everything down. I still can’t really get out of bed, but I’m starting to say to myself, “I’m thin, I’m fit, I’m beautiful. I take care of me, and I deserve it.” (I still say that to myself 3.5 years later.)

By next week I can start physical therapy. It’s been a long process, but in a few months I’ll be able to go to the pool. I become more active. I started logging everything I ate and developed my own system for counting my food. I try new foods. My whole family is willing to help. They help me find time to exercise every day. I lost 25 lbs and feel better than ever.

Then after a year and a half of trying, I hit a setback. I’m tired of eating right. I’m tired of counting my food. I lost the motivation to keep going. I’ve gained 15 lbs and can see the scale coming back to where it was. I was in the trash thinking, “What’s the use of this?” Guess what I did? Same thing – I defined the problem, looked at how I got here, looked at the results, updated my vision and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started an aerobics class. I started running a little bit. I bought a pedometer (my secret weapon). I started using a different food counting system to free me from my old system. Basically, I did everything I did before, but revisited it based on my new situation. I lost 15 lbs. I’ve recovered, plus 10 pounds, for a total of 35 pounds (including previous losses). I have 16 lbs to go where I want to go. My back is almost pain free and last Saturday I spent a day diving with my daughter – something I would never have been able to do 3 years ago.

The steps work! Change your thinking and vision, change your life!

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