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The Real Reason For Guys Night Out

Why do men go to bars or clubs? Well, it’s always good to get together with some of your mates and let off steam, right? So, what’s the real reason? certainly! to meet the girls. Why do guys want to see girls? Score right again. Now that you admit it, don’t you feel better? Don’t get me wrong. If you meet a really cool girl with girlfriend potential, that’s a bonus. However, the odds of this happening are as good as your encountering a group of sex-crazed bisexual cardio trainers from Greece, 18 years old. In other words…it’s not going to happen!

So what is this methodical selection process that people go through to find Miss Right Now? Allow me to show it step by step:

1. An agency that repeatedly surveys potential prospects.

2. Check the gate regularly to see what new talent is coming in.

3. Go after an attractive girl.

4. Simply check that the beer goggles are on.

5. Set off towards the goal while coming up with a ridiculous opening line.

Some guys will move in regardless of whether she’s attractive or not. Personally, I don’t condone this behavior, but it works for them.

It’s always important to get the approval of a partner or two before taking action. That conversation sounds a bit like this:

Guy A: Yo. See that girl over there?

Guy B: Yes.

Man A: Will you be her?

Guy B: Yeah, maybe.

Guy A: Cool.

The fact that one of your partners does her too seems to justify your behavior, thus giving you the green light you were hoping for. However, make sure the person you are asking is someone who maintains a certain level of standards. Otherwise, it’s like asking a hungry man if he wants a spam-wrapped fried pork sandwich. Plus, if your goggles do prove to be thick, you’ll have some spares to help deflect some of the shelling you’ll inevitably get from your boys later.

Pardon the crude analogy (ladies), but girls range like fishing. You spend a lot of time waiting for someone you like before throwing a thread to reel her in.

It’s really hard on men. From the very beginning, our odds were high. Anything a person says as an opening is considered answering the call. Even if you’re talking about a line that isn’t actually meant to be a line, it’s automatically recognized as one of those “lines that don’t sound like a line”. On second thought, I think if I were the attractive girl in the bar, I wouldn’t believe what a guy said. Knowing what we know about ourselves, we can’t really blame them, can we, guys?

But don’t you want to know what the girls are thinking when you repeat the same tired rap for the billionth time? As for me, the whole time I was talking to a girl I was thinking, “They really don’t buy this, do they? There’s no way they’re buying this. But man, I really want to see what she’s in I look naked on the couch in my living room.”

Some guys have been known to go to any lengths to get a girl. Some people choose the direct method. However, these types are either very arrogant or very stupid. The moment they walk up to a girl and say “Hello,” their rap begins. This method works for gamblers and will result in one of two things happening. They were either targeted by missiles or blown up. Those who choose this approach do so willingly. They know the risks and welcome challenges. My approach tends to be more subtle. I actually use bold and brash guys to do the dirty work for me. I let them break the ice and start a conversation. And then, before they know what hit them, I’ve worked my way into the dialogue and created a clear path for myself, leaving the male protagonist sitting helplessly on a bar stool sucking on delicious Zima. I admit to being a little timid. However, it works, and given that I don’t have a pair of coconut-sized testicles, I’ll keep using it. Of course, you can always resort to buying girl drinks. However, this often leaves you poor and alone.

There is another way; however, it is not for the faint of heart. I’ve never used it, but have seen it done. It’s hopeless, but it works. This is a game about the good cop/bad cop routine, so you’ll need the services of a buddy to play your good cop’s bad cop.

Here’s how it works. The two of you approach a girl you’re interested in. It doesn’t matter how you do it. After the first round of typical barroom chitchat, girls inevitably ask about your current occupation to assess your financial situation. This will allow her to decide if she should spend more time with you. She didn’t know what was waiting for her. So when the Bad Cop continues to brag about how much money he makes as a Wall Street trader, you keep a deliberately disturbed look while blatantly trying to change the subject. When a girl asks about your job, go ahead and act obviously uncomfortable with the question. Then your partner should try to push you to tell her, like it’s a big secret or something. Insist that you don’t want to talk about it. This will really pique her curiosity. Continue to play the humble role. Reluctantly get your friend to agree to tell her after your plea to drop this line of questioning has been ignored. He should have told that girl in a very sarcastic and sarcastic tone how you volunteered in a home for abused, terminally ill quadriplegic orphans in El Salvador. He should also laugh at your non-living salary, at your doing what you’re doing because you love kids. At this point, you should be able to see tears welling up in her eyes as she looks at you as Mother Teresa’s Second Coming. But remember, she thinks your friend is an asshole when she makes fun of you. Maintaining a very humble and disinterested look is really the key to the whole strategy. If you don’t want to make a fuss, she will be impressed. If done right, it won’t miss and you’ll be having sex in no time.

So what have we learned? Boys go to the bar to watch the sports center? Do not. Do guys go to bars to catch up with each other and discuss possible obstacles to implementing democracy in post-war Iraq? Not quite. The bottom line and only reason guys go to bars is to meet women and hopefully have sex. Unless, of course, the guy is married, that’s another topic!

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